Funny Christmas Jokes and Stories (Part Three)
Welcome to page three of funny Christmas jokes and funny Christmas stories. Find even more funny Christmas stuff on these pages:
- Funny Christmas Jokes Part One
- Funny Christmas Stories and Jokes Part II
- Exclusive Funny Christmas Stories (no where else on the web)
Funny Christmas Jokes & Stories for You
Blackmail – Funny Christmas Story
It was coming up to Christmas and Sammy asked his mum if he could have a new bike. She told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Sam, having just played a vital role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. So his mum told him that would be fine.
Sam went to his room and wrote, ‘Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.’
But he wasn’t very happy when he read it over. So he decided to try again and this time he wrote:’Dear Jesus, I’m a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.’
He read it back and wasn’t happy with that one either. He tried a third version: ‘Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.’
He read that one too, but he still wasn’t satisfied. So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary in the front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter.
‘Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you’d better send me a new bike.’
Christmas Shepherd – Funny Christmas Jokes
One Christmas, Joe and Peter built a skating rink in the middle of a field. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn’t cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.
‘Look at that, ‘remarked Peter to Joe, ‘That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!’
Christmas Spirit – Funny Christmas Jokes
It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, ‘What are you charged with?’
The prisoner replied, ‘Doing my Christmas shopping too early.’
‘That’s no crime’, said the magistrate. ‘Just how early were you doing this shopping?’
‘Before the shop opened’, answered the prisoner.
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor.
Which one picked it up?
Santa of course, because the other two don’t exist!
Denominations – Funny Christmas Jokes
Maria went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
“What denomination?” asked the clerk.
“Oh! Good heavens! Have we come to this?” said Maria. “Well give me 50 Methodist and 50 Church of England ones please.”
A Sign of the Times
As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?”
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: “Didn’t you get my E-mail?”
Short Q&A-Style Funny Christmas Jokes
Q:Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
A:They both drop their needles!
Q:Where do elves go to vote?
A:The North Poll.
Q:Why do all the other reindeer have brown noses?
A:Because they cant stop as quickly as Rudolph!
Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer “Olive”?Olive?
A:Because”Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names!”
Q:What’s red and white and falls down the chimney?
Q:What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Q:Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
A:Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!
Q:Why is Christmas just like another day at the office?
A:You end up doing all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.